@JAKEBROWNIES
The Post-Times Journal Report
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US Kills Chinese Balloon2/6/2023 President Biden acted swiftly (about a week) after being debriefed on a humongous balloon floating around the US. The balloon was finally assassinated by a brave fighter jet flown by actor Thomas Cruise over water near the Carolinas (where the Carolinas are remains top-secret). Onlookers said the balloon put up a good fight, before it was ultimately exploded by the power of unadulterated American missile.
What exactly the balloon was doing floating over the US and what it was capable of are still a mystery, but some suspect it may have been equipped with communism. Some military officials have even speculated that the balloon was housing a nuclear bomb weighing three tons. Searching for answers to this frightening balloon encounter (not America’s first), Biden didn’t hesitate (he may have hesitated a little) to email China and see what exactly this balloon was about prior to shooting it down. He then denied their answer when the Chinese government claimed it was simply a stray balloon a child accidentally let go of at Shanghai Disney. It seems the secret nature of this balloon will not be escaping China’s succulent lips any time soon. While some people have criticized Biden’s orders to destroy the balloon, others celebrate its violent death. Critics have been fussing that the balloon was robbed of due process. This hasn’t stopped supporters from sailing out into the ocean to spit on the balloon's torn remains, thus rendering the surrounding water wet with spittle. A funeral service for the perished Chinese balloon will be held on Tuesday.
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